My brother and I attended a small private school in London in the 1960’s. A punishment and reward system was the underpinning of the school environment. It was a time where the physical punishment of children was commonplace in an attempt to get them to comply.
Standing in the corner
At primary school, I remember standing in the corner for talking in class. Another time I was waiting outside the headmistress’s office to receive the slipper for something I can’t remember now. My brother was with me and he laughed and joked and told me not to worry because it wouldn’t hurt! I think I was about 11 years old, he was just 6!
Coercing children with fear is still rife
Thankfully, corporate punishment and imagining children will change their behaviour if they feel bad enough about themselves, has ceased. However, punishing children to get them to do what is wanted by the adult hasn’t disappeared. In fact, it has only changed form!
Today, children who don’t follow the school rules are not smacked or asked to stand in the corner of a-room. However, they are sent to isolation, excluded from attending classes, given detention and asked to miss their playtime!
Children as young as 3 and 4 years old in the UK, are awarded smiley and sad faces. They are given stickers and stars and have their names added to a traffic light or cloud system to show when their behaviour is good or bad.
Older pupils are being excluded from school because of their behaviour. Learning establishments are increasingly concerned about the wellbeing of children and supporting families. Those same families who create the fabric of our society.
Where did we get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first, we have to make them feel worse?
Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?
Why do we still believe that punishment and reward systems are the most effective way to motivate people to contribute to society?
Is it that establishments are lacking the confidence to change the current system? Perhaps they feel afraid to take a chance on alternative approaches? Approaches that will make a real difference in the way we show up in the world.
Dr Marshall Rosenberg the creator of Nonviolent Communication, in his book “A Language for Life says:
There are two questions that help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment to change people’s behaviour. The first question is: What do you want this person to do that’s different from what he or she is currently doing?
If we only s the first question, punishment may seem effective, because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence someone’s behaviour. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn’t likely to work: What do you want this person’s reason to be for doing what you are asking?
You can hear more of what Marshall shares here about how he worked in one school with Nonviolent communication.
It’s time to review the culture of schools and organisations
Considering how to use alternative approaches to punishment and reward in education establishments to increase wellbeing in society, involves reviewing the culture of the school or organisation.
It’s not enough to change one or two things. Firstly we need an overhaul of the whole system. This includes the way the establishment is led and managed. We need to make sure that families are included and emotional upset is faced. How conflict is soothed between individuals, how harm is addressed and how peace is restored when something occurs is vitally important as it impacts the whole community.
Who is right and who is wrong?
The game of who is right and who is wrong, as well as who deserves to be punished and who deserves to be rewarded is rife within our society.
Everyone pays when we create a society that wants to avoid punishment or receive rewards instead of giving freely to each other from the heart.
A society that judges blames and make assumptions about groups of people and cultures based on their own bias can create divisions that result in violent uprising.
Being seen, heard, understood and making a valid contribution is what makes giving to each other a fun thing to do.
Would you like to discuss how to move beyond a culture of punishment and reward? This could be in your family, school or organisation Let’s talk. Contact me here
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