This morning I woke up thinking how wonderful it would be writing about joy. I had such a lovely birthday yesterday. I was reminded of the simple pleasure of hearing my grandson laugh loudly. He played a game with his great uncle.
My older sister arrived with food. A knock on the door interrupts us for a moment. We welcomed Interflora, a beautiful bouquet of flowers arrived, sent to me by my partner. I’m feeling blessed!
My daughters chat together, sharing their dreams about places they want to visit this summer. My friend Paula tells stories of life and laughs and insights and my grandchildren tell me how old I am!
Some years I’ve celebrated with parties, others have been extremely quiet. This year something is different, a small gathering and a deep stillness is within me invisible to others, I quietly experience the gift of appreciation, the simple joy and pleasure of life and a gratitude for it all.
Parenting can bring us immense joy and much pain. I believe the deepest pain I have felt has been created by me.
Where on earth does this idea of the perfect family come from?
A total gift is to accept there is no perfect family. No perfect relationship or perfect anything and a paradoxically, that all is completely perfect!
I guess this longing for our expectations of perfect, is born out of a desire for our children to be happy and well and healthy and for us all to relate harmoniously!
Recently, my daughter has been unwell this has been an incredible reminder for us all about how much we matter to each other, what is important in life and just how messy things can get when something happens that wasn’t forecasted. These experiences test our resilience and commitment to love. They remind us who our parenting tribe is (what I mean is who supports our family in times of need!)
I didn’t plan to get pregnant, N was a BIG surprise, mostly, because I was in the process of separating from my husband.
I moved home and exerted strong boundaries to enable an emotional and physically exerting separation!.
Speaking softly to N in my tummy. I told her about all the things we would do together. I couldn’t wait for her to arrive.
She was born at the end of May, a few weeks early. I went into labour around 8.00pm I’d been working that day. My brother was at the house I had just run a bath and felt some waters trickling. I walked into the living room and told my brother that I thought I might be going into labour, he said you better go to the hospital I said no worries it will be ages yet, I was wrong! Within an hour I was having heavy contractions. N was born rapidly. I held my beautiful baby girl in my arms.
N was such a happy child I remember my mum saying “she was our ray of sunshine” Always smiling and chuckling and as she grew older she became quite the comedian. Over the years we have laughed and cried shouted loudly and talked softly. I’ve celebrated with her and felt fear about some of the choices she has made. I’ve jumped for joy in celebration and wanted to stop her in her tracks – she is my daughter I love her for all that she is and all that she gives.
Parenting never ends
N is 30 now. She is my second child, my oldest daughter R is 33. And I’m a grandmother to H and J and D.
No matter how old our children are our children are they are always our children and the job of being parents never ends. I learn more about this every day.
I love this poem by Kahlil Gibran which begins by reminding us that our children are not our children!
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. Read more here
Birthdays are a reminder of the life of births, our children and our parenting. A role to be celebrated and honoured. I’ve learnt that my children are my greatest teachers. Parenting is the ultimate journey of letting go. What are your thoughts on this?
Our children are entrusted to our care. We don’t get training for the job, no one is the expert on this, in my experience, being a parent has sometimes been incredibly tough and I wouldn’t change anything ever.
Here are a few things I’ve learnt.
- All children have their own unique journey through life, their own gifts and talents.
- Shut-up up and listen to your children.
- Stop fixing them.
- Trust them.
- Act from a place of peace within yourself.
- Find those you can share your heart with, those who won’t judge you, who will receive you with compassion.
- Know who to go to for advice.
- Find the answers for yourself.
- Don’t take things personally.
- Behaviour and the expression of emotion are the flags calling for needs to be seen and met.
- Be playful, have fun together.
- Cry and laugh together and never stop hugging.
Do you have some parenting tips to share?
I am a parent and grandparent, I don’t profess to be an expert, I don’t get it all right. Those of you who know me personally will have some understanding of the challenges we have faced as a family. I love to work with those who are willing to be vulnerable, to share their stories and know that together we can change history.
You can discover more about me and my parenting offers here.
My daughter gave me permission to share this!
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