Understanding requests in relationships
Have you ever asked someone to do something, they agreed, and then… nothing happened? It’s a common and frustrating experience that can leave us confused and even hurt.
I’ve been reflecting on this through my own experience. In a personal relationship, I made a series of clear requests. Each time, the other person responded with “Yes, I will do that.” But nothing happened. There was no follow-up, and when I checked back in, I’d hear responses like:
“Does it really matter if it happens this month?”
“I’ve been busy.”
This left me feeling frustrated and puzzled. I kept asking myself: Why do people say yes and then not act? What’s really going on here?
Why people say yes but don’t act: common reasons
Through my work with Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I’ve discovered several reasons why this pattern can happen:
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Lack of clarity: The person might not fully understand what’s being asked or what follow-through looks like.
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Pressure to say yes: Sometimes people agree out of obligation or to avoid conflict, even when they’re not actually willing or able.
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Different sense of urgency or importance: What feels pressing to one person may not seem urgent to the other.
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Overwhelm or forgetfulness: Good intentions often get lost in the busyness of daily life without a shared plan for checking in.
The power of clear requests and real agreements
This is why making clear requests and checking for mutual agreement is so important. A genuine yes involves a shared understanding and commitment—not just a polite or automatic response.
In NVC, we emphasize the crucial difference between requests and demands:
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A true request allows space for a no, which opens the door to honest dialogue and builds trust.
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A demand—even if phrased politely and said in kind tone —can create pressure, making it hard for people to respond authentically.
Types of requests in NVC: building clarity and connection
NVC teaches that requests can take different forms, depending on what’s alive in the moment:
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Requests for connection:
“Can we talk about what’s happening between us right now?” -
Requests for clarity:
“Would you be willing to tell me what you heard me ask for, to make sure we’re clear?” -
Requests for action:
“Would you be willing to complete X by the end of this week?”
And for action requests to really work, they need to be timely, specific, and present—not vague or open-ended—so both people can trust what’s been agreed.
Transforming communication through NVC
In my own life, learning to slow down, clarify, and invite real agreement has transformed situations like these. It’s not just about getting things done—it’s about cultivating trust, mutual respect, and deeper connection.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC), requests can keep conversations flowing. They deepen mutual understanding, and open the door to solutions that work for everyone. Requests can invite connection, support collaboration, or propose an action—all while staying linked to the needs that matter in the moment.
Want to learn more?
If you’d like to explore these skills further, why not join one of my NVC Foundation trainings, intermediate courses, or deepening retreats? These are welcoming spaces where you can:
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Practice expressing what you want,
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Get clear about the needs driving your requests, and
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Build confidence in authentic, connected communication.
👉 Visit my events page for current offerings—or reach out if you’re curious about working with me one to one.
I created an NVC request handout for you to download here
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