It’s difficult to believe that it is one year and 8 months since my brother died, today was his birthday. I miss him every day.
It isn’t so easy for me to share on subjects like this, that have touched my own life. My deep sadness and shame about the topic, hindered me getting the support I needed. I know that I am not alone here. Many people have experiences that they don’t seek support for because it’s too painful to share.
My brother Simon died on 14 September 2013.
He was born 24 May 1954. Simon was an ordinary happy little boy, from a loving family who suffered a trauma. The loss of our father was most definitely a contributing factor to my brother’s illness and there were others too.
He began experimenting with drugs as a teenager. Like so many young people, Simon first used drugs recreationally. He had no idea the road he was walking would lead him into situations that changed the course of his life. The choices he made led to problematic drug use. A chronic disease that was difficult to manage and seemingly impossible to cure. He was 59 when he died.
Many young people have no idea of about the risk of becoming seriously addicted to drugs.
When Simon was young he could never have predicted that drug addiction would claim his life, but it did along with other conditions that were triggered by this lifestyle.
When you love someone it’s extremely painful to watch them harming themselves. I wanted him to stop. This is normal of course!
As a family we tried many things, being upset with him was one of our strategies (not very helpful to someone who wants to be accepted and loved!).
We maintained a close relationship with him through all stages and phases of this awful illness until his death:(.
One night when Simon was so very ill, before being taken to A & E about a year before he died, I heard the voice, of a teacher of mine speaking to me saying: “see the wellness in him” my heart opened widely in a new way. I held him close to me, cradling him and caressing him as he struggled to breathe. Finally, after years of wanting him to change I was able to see that this was his journey through life, not mine.
During our last year together, I was able to accept his situation fully, to be with my fears and sadness and with his too. I was able to wholeheartedly perceive his sensitivity, his fun nature, his warmth and intelligence, his curiosity about life and his will to live.
“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice there is little we can do to change: until we notice, how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deed” – Daniel Goleman
“For what we strive why we are alive, to find love and peace, the golden fleece” – Simon Russell
Drug addiction is a disease, it affects the whole family and there is little support available.
It’s difficult to speak about drug addiction to those outside of the family. Fear, embarrassment and shame get in the way of people sharing their stories. This means that the problem is often hidden.
Addiction is in our own communities – our teenagers experiment with drugs and their use is talked about it as if it’s a rite of passage – why?
I have met many chronic addicts in the UK, who started to use drugs when they were extremely young. Addicts who hide away during the day and come out at night; addicts with a life style that many of us couldn’t even imagine.
When I see addicts, my soul weeps for I know that what was once used to dull pain, becomes the pain.
Once a holy man said to me that addicts to a certain extent are like the lepers of modern times. I think that this is a fairly good description of how addicts can feel and how many societies treat drug users.
Education, Families and Drug Addiction.
If you work in a school, a children’s or family centre and suspect drug use in a family, please speak openly about this. Maybe you detect a strong smell from the parent or child’s clothes, query this.
If you suspect that someone is dealing drugs, please act on this information.
Doctor and nurses in hospital, if you haven’t done so already, can you please can you educate yourself about their needs – an addict withdrawing needs medication?
If you work in a prison please concern yourself with this too (this is where many addicts spend some time)
I’d love all of us to be more aware of drug use – to educate children families, teachers, social workers and therapists. What can begin as experimentation with drugs can end in problematic use and a chronic disease that affects many.
Let’s learn how to talk to children about drug use and to support families more effectively.
I have been raising money for the Charity Action on Addiction in memory of my brother Simon. If you feel moved to donate too, please follow this link, it’s easy to donate. http://www.justgiving.com/remember/87573/Simon-Russell
Here is a recording of a song created to increase awareness Drug addiction. The lyrics were written by someone many years ago in the 1970’s, on a Kibbutz in Israel. I don’t like words like vile and corrupt at all and I recognise that this is the way some of you may think about addicts. These labels may also be used by those who are addicted, to describe themselves, these words can keeps the spiral of shame alive.
Addiction comes in many forms, Gabor Mate speaks here about the link between trauma and addiction
I miss my brother every day and I am happy too that he is free. He would love to help others, this is why I share his story.
Here are a few other young people to remember.
It can be difficult to navigate services and find the support needed, here are a few organisations that may help.
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